Diaversary

Today is the diaversary. Today, exactly one year ago, my sweet 6 yr old boy was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I knew something was wrong, months before. I could feel it, I just knew something was wrong with my boy. I didn't know what. Then, he started drinking ALOT, but it was HOT outside. Very hot... Then, he started going to the bathroom way to often. He would come downstairs in the middle of the night not really knowing where he was looking for the bathroom. We thought that was strange. Then, he puked in the car. Last straw, I made an appointment for the next morning. I remember looking at him taking a nap that afternoon before he was diagnosed, he looked like he didn't feel well, but he had just had a peanut reaction two days before. Little did we know, our beautiful perfect son would get this diagnosis, 7/6/12. A day I will never ever forget. How can a diagnosis this hard be so easy to diagnose? A simple finger prick, then the nurse came back for another.....I knew it then....but then again, I had NO CLUE. I didn't know what your son has diabetes meant. I knew that day, it meant we would head straight to the hospital, then to the Barbara Davis Center for training. Training that day was for survival. It was a Friday at 2 pm when we got to the Barbara Davis Center. Children's Hospital sent us right over. He was ok to be released, his ketones were not high. I remember asking what does that mean and not understanding what she meant. My husband lost his composure he was trying to keep all day. He wanted to know how they actually knew he had type 1 diabetes, all they did were quick blood tests and a simple finger prick. Why are we being taught to check our son's blood glucose 6 times a day (which by the way is far too few)? Why must we stick a needle in my son 4 times a day? I didn't understand. I didn't know type 1 diabetes. I knew of diabetes. Diabetes is not that serious, grandma has it and checks herself ever so often........OMG, I had no clue. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease. My Zach needs insulin pumped into his little body 24 hrs a day to survive. He must have additional insulin with every single bite he eats. It can be all consuming, painful (both for Zach and me), and heart wretching. There is nothing we could have done to prevent it. I have bargained with God, asked for him to let me take this burden. Yet, it is not mine to bear and it is. I feel my son's pain. I hurt when he hurts. I still kick myself for not taking him to the Dr. earlier. Nothing I can do about it now, but still.....if only. Not a battle I can win. I have been angry and fallen on the floor in devistation. Type 1 has no plan. We spend our life making plans. This image of my son's life is not what it was a year ago. I dread...hate....am in total anguish at him going back to school. He is hypoglycemic unaware now. Does not feel blood sugar lows which could cause seizures or death and turns off his CGM at school which could alert teachers to this low blood sugar. He is at a greater risk for celiac disease (which I think is already happening.) He is so young. It is just not fair. All this being said, I know my son has a bright future. He will grow up to be independent, wise beyond his years, kind, empathetic of others, have great dietary awareness, and go on to do great things. I just know it. That does not mean I am still not scared. 1 in 20 type 1 diabetics will die of hypocglycemia. It is just not fair. As we go on, today on this diaversary, I will celebrate hope. Hope for a cure. Try not to dwell on the sadness. Celebrate my Zach, he has gone through so much in this past year. A day to celebrate my little man and all we have accomplished. A year of type 1 management, without a trip to the hospital and great A1C is something to celebrate. Yet, there is always that threat. I am awake still tonight, watching and waiting....for a blood sugar to come down and it just won't quit. I am his mom and I won't quit. Diabetes will not win.